these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
