A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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