I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
