I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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