Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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