I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
