just come out here and I will go home with you...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
