I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
