he wants to bone in the snuggie
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
