just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
