soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
