Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
