omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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