so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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