I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think I won the penis lottery.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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