he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
