You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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