can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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