There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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