I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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