He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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