Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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