Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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