how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
