I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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