i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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