I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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