So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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