My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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