there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
