You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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