Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
