I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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