His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
420 ftw
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
