WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
