dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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