Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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