why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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