Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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