Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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