you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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