I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
