I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
