you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
