Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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