these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
