New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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