never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
