WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
