Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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